Fun, fun, fun

So... I've been letting go a bit lately. Slowly I am not trying as hard to contain myself. It feels so much better, but apparently my thoughts are not as normal as I thought they would be. Aparently I should have kept my big mouth shut. Here are a few things that people didn't know about me before the past week or so, that they probably do now.

When I was little, my dreams would usually have two of me in them. One was doing whatever and the other was scared as hell of the other one. Later, The other me that used to be scared just sat there, not caring. Now there is only one me.

When I was in kindergarten, I had a dream that my teacher at my bracelet for red ribbon week. You know those one's that you can't get off without cutting it, and if you keep it on all week you get a treat? Well, in my dream, she ate it. I. was. PISSED. I took her into my doctors office and tied her down to a metal table. I cut her open and took my bracelet back, smiling as I put it back on. Meanwhile the other me is crying ans trying to stop me, and my teacher is screaming, crying, and bleeding all over the place. The only thing that desturbs me about this is that I was 5. Dreams like this are pretty normal for me, but acourding to my mother, not for other people.

I love trying new things. I try out being blind a lot. It works okay as long as you're going in a straight line. I was walking home with my sisters a couple days ago, being blind and attatched to her backpack. She didn't know I was doing this, so she didn't warn me about a low wall I was about to trip over, so... BAM! I fell on one knee and both my hands. I have a rather large purple-blue bruise on my knee and I can't put too much pain on it without it hurting (which I must admit can feel good if you do it right). But the only thing I cared about at that moment was Fuck, my boot got scratched.

I also like to take a deep breath, close my eyes, stick my head under water, and just stay there. It feels sooo good. The water on your face, the burning in your lungs. Now, mind you, I don't think I'd really like to drown. But, when you're able to control pain, it feels good. I've scared a couple of people. They thought I was actually drowning! XD

Here's something anyone who's the least bit observant should know if they know me in real life. When I like something, I obsess over it. I usually slowly change the way I dress to match more with my obsession. I don't go around wearing a costume, but as close as you can get with it still being normal cloths. My personality changes slightly to match it as well, and one thing from each obsession. A few things are being unbelievably good at science, having a slight god-complex, and analyzing everything and everyone.

AND I have to go now, BYE~!

좋아요!

I met this girl in my PE class. Her name is Jieun; she's Korean. Now I'm really eger to learn the language; she doesn't speak much English (could have fooled me). Today, near the end of lunch, I sat with her, her brother, and a few of their friends. They talked mostly in Korean, I could barely understand anything! XD It's like when I was first learning Japanese all over again.

They seemed happy with the tiny bit of Korean I did know. I didn't get any of their names, but Jieun's brother is in the same grade as me. I found it weird that they all asked me how old I was, untill I remembered that, in Korean, you have to talk to people older than you politly. If they're younger than you, you don't. I think Jieun's brother is the only one my age, but I'm not sure.

She said I could eat lunch with them again. I think I will. Jieun's really nice; I'm glad I've met her. Also, sitting with them may help me learn Korean faster. I'll have to learn it to keep up with the conversations, after all. XD

I wonder if any of them recognized me. Last year, sometimes I would stand close to where they were sitting so that I could try to pick up their conversation... Just for practice. XD I remember that it was usually just Jieun and her brother there.... I wonder what his name is.

Only bad news: Carlton is in none of my classes and I get a lot of homework! D8

Oops

Last night at the dinner table I blurted out that I was wearing three bras. It wasn't embarassing, but mom got mad. You see, I read that wearing multiple sports bras can make a good binder for your chest. It worked okay, and it was really comfey compared to ACE bandages.

I'm still cutting myself. [sarcasm] Yay![/sarcasm] As I said, it's like an addiction. Once you start you just can't stop. And like a drug, it really does work. It makes me happy for a while. I did make a rule, though. I'm not aloud to make more than one cut per day. That seems reasonable.

I got really hyper today while holding a glass bottle. Do you know how hard it is not to throw one of those things when you're hyper? It's like a giant bowl of icecream in front of you, and you love icecream, and everyone else is eating it, but you're lactosintollerent (or however that's spelled).

I'm still having trouble with the whole 'what to do after high school' thing. The weirdest job that's ever been suggested to me was a hitman. Weird, huh? I actually thought about it though. I actually know a few people that I would want to work with. They're amazing.

Something not in real life for a moment. I have all these roleplays that I need to reply to! D8 Some of them are boring, some of them I really just don't know what to do next. I feel guilty when I don't reply for more than a day, though. -__-

Enough of problems, let's actually talk about something happy.... hmmmm... Oh! My cousins are coming over tomarrow! I can't wait to see them... I'm not even related to them, we've just known eachother since preschool. When your whole family has known their whole family your whole life, it starts to feel like you're family.

That reminds me. A long time ago I saw the school counsiler at elementary school. She made me draw this diagram that looked like the layers of the earth. The people outside the circle were stranger, first inside was aquaintances, next friends, best friends, then family. She told me to figure out where everyone in my life fit into my circle, but never to tell anyone because they might have me in a diffrent place.

To tell you the truth, I think most therapists are retarded. I've only met two that actually have helped and those are the past two school counselors I've had. Mr. Plouman is just amazing at what he does. I've always wanted to see a therapist and just mess with their head. It sounds like fun. Maybe I'll do it someday soon.

Adios, amigos!
Au revoir, mes amis!
拜拜， 我的朋友！
じゃあね、 私の友達！
안녕, 나친구!
Bye, guys!